I was asked by my friend some time ago about how I managed to be popular among friends. Even strangers who never met me before could remember my name. He asked me alot of questions about how he could make himself entertaining, whether there were interesting jokes he could remember and so forth…
“DO you really want to know the Secret? It will just change the way you talk and think!” I asked rather mischievously.
He nodded his head and I started to explain…
“Here’s the Secret: Most people in the world really want to talk about themselves. Sometimes all we need to have a great conversation is to ask questions! Get them to talk about themselves. The Secret to being the most interesting person is to be the MOST INTERESTED! Practice Active Listening and show your interest by asking questions.”
I shared with him a real life example with another one of my friends called D (name with-held to protect his identity). I met up with D to have dinner and the whole night I did nothing but just asked questions. This is how the conversation when:
“So… how’s life with you now?” (D shared)
“How’s your job now?” (D shared some more)
“Oh… really… what happened.. tell me more?” (D talked about a particular incident)
“How did you feel about the whole thing?” (D talked again)
We went on like this for one and a half hours. All I did was ask a ton of questions. All I needed is to be really interested in what D did. At the end of the whole conversation, D mentioned that “It was the BEST conversation he had in his entire life!” I smiled after that.
In my mind, I was saying “BUT I didn’t say anything about myself at all!” However, it proved a point. It proved that to connect with people, I must constantly show them that I am sincerely interested in what’s happening in their lives. If I am truely interested in knowing a person, I will really listen first and talk much later. Its all about them, and not about me. This is the simple law of human interaction, nothing sexy about it.
Imagine if we were to practice active listening and be interested, how much will it help in our ability to persuade and move people? How will it change the way you manage people or improve your relationships, especially when people are resistant? How will this be able to build your team in the areas of empathy towards others?”
