Four ways to win people over


Here are some invaluable ways that will help you win people over:

1. Smile when you talk

People are more comfortable with you when you give them your best smile. It destroys any barriers and helps build a sense of connectedness. In all of my public talks, I usually go to the venue early and smile at my participants even before I talk. This creates empathy and helps them know that I am friendly even before I speak.

2. Encourage others to talk about themselves

Great conversationalists are usually good in getting people to talk about themselves. When you consistently shift the focus to your friend and really get to know them on a personal level, they feel that someone actually cares about them.

There’s a story about Britain’s two great prime ministers are William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli. A young woman went to dinner with them on successive nights. When asked by people around her on what she thought of the two men, she said: “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. However, when I sat next to Mr Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England!”

3. Use their names often

One of the sweetest things you can ever hear about yourself is probably your name. So I try to use it as much as possible in my conversations. Whenever I meet people who are serving me (like waitresses, bankers or even fast food restaurant staff), I usually acknowledge them by thanking them by specifically mentioning their name, eg. “Thank you Helen for the food!” It usually brings a smile to their faces!

4. Make the other person feel important

If you can make people feel important, you will usually be able to influence them. I recalled another trainer friend who has this unique ability to make you feel good about yourself.

She constantly makes remarks on how well you approached the problem, how your contributions are acknowledged as well as your efforts in serving the people around you. She basically makes you feel that you are important and the world would have been worse off without your presence. This is a mark of a person who constantly seeks to raise people up with words of affirmation.


John Maxwell so aptly puts it regarding charisma:

The person without charisma walks into a group and says “Here I am”. The person with charisma walks into a group announcing “There you are”.

To influence people is not difficult, all you need is to win their hearts.


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